To Tattoo Or Not
I have a dilemma. I want to get a tattoo. The perfect little Fleur de Lis on my ankle, but I am getting mixed support from my family, and I can’t quite make up my mind.
See, I already have a tattoo…three to be exact, but I don’t count my tattooed nipples because that’s more reconstructive than self-expression. My tattoo is a pink breast cancer ribbon tattooed above my right breast…the side I had cancer on. I got it a year after I was diagnosed when all my reconstructive surgeries were done. I was living in New York at the time and I wanted to commemorate surviving a year of cancer. Tom (my first husband) was very against the idea. I didn’t really care. He thought it would “cheapen” my body…I wanted to shout to the heavens that I had survived.
I asked myself a few questions. Was it a meaningful tattoo? When I was 65 would I still want it and would it still have meaning? When I was 85? How about 95? The answer to all of these questions was…yes. The ribbon might be a crinkle ribbon when I was 85, but crinkle ribbons are cool. One day on the beach, Tom asked me what I would say to my 16-year-old daughter if she wanted a tattoo. I thought about it briefly then told him if she had a boob cut off, then she could get one, but otherwise, she had to wait until she was 18.
So, on a cold January night after work, I took the subway down to the Village to a tattoo parlor that a friend recommended. I was wearing a red twin set with wool trousers, with my cashmere coat and carrying a leather briefcase, my hair cut in a perfect blond bob. Not your typical tattoo seeking customer. I found the address and rang the doorbell. At the top of a long staircase, the door opened and a young woman with short spiky hair, and skin covered with tattoos and piercings stood guard. Her name was Dragon Fly. “May I help you?” Yes, I was here for a tattoo. I had an appointment. She looked at me oddly, like she didn’t believe that Miss Preppy, 1997 was capable of getting a tattoo.
We got started and once she realized what I wanted and why I wanted it, she thought it was cool. She thought I was cool. It didn’t hurt…OK; maybe 95% of it didn’t hurt. When you have a mastectomy, all of the nerves are cut during surgery. I couldn’t feel the skin covering my breast. The skin was permanently anesthetized. I could feel the pressure, but no pain, except for the very top of the ribbon, because that was reaching beyond the scope of the surgery.
It was beautiful and I was so proud. Tom was really pissed. He was pissed because I had gone ahead and got the tattoo “without his permission” and because it was bigger than he though it would be. Then he hated that I would show people. At the time I was very involved in young breast cancer awareness. I had an invitation to appear on the Montel Williams show and Tom thought that was cool, “But for God’s sake, don’t show your tattoo on national television.” The appearance fell through and my tattooed breast was only seen on an ABC online story about tattooing.
My tattoo has become a part of me. It is frequently visible when wearing a bathing suit or a low cut shirt or dress. I don’t even see it anymore. It is just part of who I am. But recently, I have wanted another tattoo. I never wanted one before because I could think of nothing special that I would want to ink in my skin. Colby doesn’t care for the “tramp stamps” he sees everywhere. We both agree that we don’t want our daughters getting meaningless tattoos…at least while they are living under our roof.
Colby is against the idea. He thinks it will cheapen my body. He thinks it will send a negative signal to our daughters. Now they will want one. He understands the pink ribbon, but he doesn’t understand my need for another one. Am I sure I will want a Fleur de Lis tattooed on my ankle when I am 65? 85? 95? He realizes it is my choice. He went with me a few years ago when I had my tattoo touched up. He held my hand and was fascinated by the process, so he is not a stranger to a tattoo parlor. We are going to New Orleans for our anniversary this weekend and if I get a tattoo, I want to get it down there. It is where we got married and it is why the Fleur de Lis is so important to me. I asked him would he go with me and hold my hand. He said yes…and he would bring me icy Hurricanes while I had it done. He is so supportive that way.
I asked Elle what she thought. She said she thought it would be OK if it was the right tattoo in the right place and if I was sure I would still want it when I was 65. Gosh, evidently we have done our parenting right! When I told her what I wanted and where, she said that would be cool. I asked her what would make it not cool. She said if it was on my neck or butt and if it was really big. Big is not cool. She thought shades of grey would look really neat, but any other colors…like purple, gold and green would just clash with my outfits. She is a smart kid.
So, I wonder. Should I or shouldn’t I? Help me out here folks! I need opinions. I have until Friday to make up my mind. So, opine way!!
Well it sounds like yes to me…although…is the fleur de lis meaningful because it reminds you of Colby and your “new beginning” and upsurge of hope for the future? Or…is it because you want a tattoo and you were married where you’re going this weekend so hey, let’s get a fleur de lis? If the first one, yes with a small explanation to Colby reiterating how important his introduction into your life was to you and yes, you want to commemorate that always. If the last one…I wouldn’t get a tatto for the sake of getting a tattoo.
And this is coming from someone who has wanted to get one for years now, but is so flaky she can’t settle on a design. :/
Elisa´s last blog ..The Harder I Try
I’m 34 years old now, and I have four tattoos. My first one was a birthday present from my mom, I had just turned 17 when she said “Let’s get you that tattoo you want!” This from my mom who has never had a tattoo in her life, and is very prim and proper. The other three I bought and paid for, every one of them has a special memory attached to them.
Tattoos are about memories, special occurrences in life that one wants to remember. I’d dare say that if you asked anyone out there with a tattoo-(even those with tattoos covering their entire bodies)-they would have a story to share about each one, at least the majority would. To have the Fleur De Lis done as a reminder of a special moment in your life and a special person in your life, is the perfect reason for it. Yes, we have pictures and videos, and the memories themselves; but sometimes we need something more to just say “Hey! This is special!”
I would discuss it as a family and take an opportunity to explain your reasons to them, and what it means to you. Also take the time to listen to them and their hesitations. In the end though, the decision ultimately lies with you. But I think it would help you and your family if you involve them in the process as much as possible.
=)
Gayle
One Cramazing Life-http://cramazinglife.blogspot.com/
Sorry, but I’m anti-tattoo. Just chalk it up to my Southern Baptist upbringing so I’m taking the mens’ side. But hey! Welcome back to our lovely state this weekend!
Laura´s last blog ..House Update
DO IT! When you’re 85 and the colors have faded and the shapes have changed you will always see them as they were the day you got them. You will be brought back to that time in your life when you got them, the emotions you felt at that time, the sights, the smells. A tattoo is not about anyone else! Unlike a photo that after many years you can’t remember who or where it was taken, you’ll always remember your tattoo details.
I have three. The first one I got when I was 19 and in college being a bit rebel-like. It’s “a naked lady with wings and big boobs holding the world”. It’s tacky and sometimes I think “why, why, why”. Then a smile creeps across my face as I remember all the details leading up to that first inking. My second is a Strawberry tramp stamp I got for my 30th birthday in New Orleans. I’ve always loved the Strawberry Shortycake doll. My third is a funky bumblebee that I got last November to represent my daughter…we call her B.
They may be campy/tacky/gross to outsiders but they are warm and fuzzy on my inside!
KImberly´s last blog ..To Tattoo Or Not
Elisa, it is actually a little of both, but more of the first. For years, I didn’t want one. I had no need because I had the most meaning tattoo possible for me…the pink ribbon. But, I have so much more important things in my life now than the breast cancer thing and the Fleur de Lis is very, very special to me. It is our symbol, I have them all over the house and I am Duchess Fleur de Lis with my high school Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
Welcome to the Hatbox, Gayle. Thank you for putting my feeling so eloquently into words. Colby is becoming resigned to my decision to get one. We were talking about our trip to New Orleans last night. He was thinking about shrimp and grits at Mr. B’s Bistro and I was thinking about finding a tattoo place and making an appointment. My 11 year old daughter actually helped me work through a few issues. I have a more firm idea of exactly what I want, so I am leaning more towards yes…but if I can’t get it this trip…there is always next year.
Laura,
I have a Southern Baptist grandmother and I know she won’t approve. But that’s OK. I LOVE Louisiana!! New Orleans is my favorite city in the world! I am ready to sweat through my clothes!!!
After all you’ve been through in your life, I say Go For It, Honey. You’ve earned to right to do something just because you want to.
TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..To Tattoo Or Not
Welcome to the Hatbox, Kimberly! I was part of an ABC Online article 13 years ago that discussed why people got tattoos. It featured me and a couple of other people. My tattoo was about survival and the celebration of surviving a pretty horrific/life changing event. Another woman had two dolphins tattooed on her neck to remind her of two friends that had been killed. I agree that we get tattoos for different reasons. For me it is about the emotions and memories the tattoo represents. I wear a wedding ring that reminds me of my life with Colby and how much I love him. But I often take it off. The tattoo would always be there.
And if I get what I have envisioned in my head…it will be just plain COOL!
Thank you TKW!
I have come a long way when it comes to tatoos…but I have to admit I still don’t like them. I don’t like a outfit or hairstyle very long let alone a tatoo.
I remember someone telling me when I was young that some people may not like you if you curse but no one is going to not like you because you don’t.
For some reason that applies here in my mind…some people may think that you aren’t beautiful because of a tatoo but no one is going to think you are not beautiful because you don’t have one…
Good luck..
Welcome to the Hat Box Modern Grandmas! I spoke with my mother today about my tattoo and oddly, she was supportive of it. We had a conversation about being visual people…we have to see things to wrap our minds around them.
Thanks for the luck. I am really comfortable with myself as a person and I know the tattoo is for me and I could give a hoo haa what others think. My Mom gave me that.
I think if it’s something tasteful and meaningful then go for it! I also had wanted a tattoo for years & took about 10 years trying to design exactly it. When I finally did I loved the end result. I got a very dainty ivy vine with 3 shamrocks around my left ankle and even my parents (who are very strict Catholics) complimented me on it. It’s been about 5 years & I’d love to get another one of either my son’s date of birth, or something to symbolize him.
P.S. I also love New Orleans – that’s where my hubby & I got engaged!
Pamela´s last blog ..Intervention- anyone
Three cheers for New Orleans!!!!! I would do nothing but tasteful. My 11 year old has been helping me work through the design issues.
One word. TAT!
I’m ready!!!!!
Yes yes yes! I waited until I was 40, I think by now we are able to make reasonable decisions regarding our own bodies! And that IS the biggest question…is it meaningful to me? Will it still be meaningful in 20 years?? Since you’ve answered yes, then go for it!
The Mayor!´s last blog ..@! Friday!
Mayor,
Did it!! It’s way cool. Pictures to be posted.
Hell Yes! I’ve been thinking about it too. Since my mastectomy, my chest is not my own. A tattoo seems like a way of reclaiming the space (among other things). Also, its art and I’m always in favor of art. This post says it much better than that:
http://hystericalmommynetwork.com/2010/04/19/redesigned/
Katherine,
Actually that is a good way to put it. My chest wasn’t my own after my mastectomy. The pink ribbon was my way of celebrating life. Go for it!!!